(Source: seenomeow, via awksmycocks)
i am the friend that laughs really hard at their own jokes
(via awksmycocks)
do you think when johnny depp agrees to be in a movie with a different director he goes home at night and tim burton is just there with his face pressed against the window and johnny has to close the curtains to avoid feeling guilty
A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation
- When something bad happens: True is it that we have seen better days.
- When something REALLY bad happens: O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
- When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so: The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
- When my girlfriend abandons me for food: FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
- When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them: BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
- When I burn something while cooking: MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
- When human stupidity frustrates me: LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
- When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins: NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
- When I'm broke: My pride fell with my fortunes
- When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues: OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
- When someone disagrees with me: THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
- When I argue with my girlfriend: The course of true love never did run smooth.
- When I'm embarrassed: MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
- Someone says "Good Night": Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
- When you really want someone to go away: GET THEE TO A NUNNERY.
- When no one will hit on you at the bar: We should be wooed, we were not made to woo!
- When you want to bestow onto someone a totally sick burn: Excellent well, you are a fishmonger.
omg in english i found out how to make word talk and it was dead silence and all of a sudden my computer was like
anal
(Source: dysenterygay, via district-nineandthreequarters)
Louis Tomlinson rapping I Gotta Feeling
(Source: nandos-niall-protested, via nishpatz)
(Source: chalcosoma2, via louis-lovebites)
(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via peetaah)
do you ever use a pen and you’re just blown away by how smoothly it glides across the page and how the ink flows out so beautifully like tears of jesus or something
(via what-the-fresh-hell)
